I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
