I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize