I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
