I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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