i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
