My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
