Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
