It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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