It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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