hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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