My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
