Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
