I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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