That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
