i think my mom watched the whole time
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
