Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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