I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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