Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
