I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
