Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
