i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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