Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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