hotel room ftw
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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