11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
