Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
