I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize