he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
