Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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