her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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