In America we eat man semen.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize