I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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