The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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