This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
