What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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