there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize