So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
