I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
