New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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