her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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