Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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