# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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