I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
