No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize