theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
