Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
