I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just googled if crying burns calories
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
