I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
