Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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