so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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