ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
