you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
