dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
