Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
