that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
