If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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