I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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