dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
