I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
