member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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