Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I need a beard to bite.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
