I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Damn victory sex feels great
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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