I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize