Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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