his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
