You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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