my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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