Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
