is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
