Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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