Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
