we're blogging at a bar
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
