OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
