I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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