Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
