Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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