If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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