Whod you bang
if only i could text you this smell
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
