She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
