So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize