don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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