Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Randomize
