and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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