Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
