My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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