You made me cry and you don't even care
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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