3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
