Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
