You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i love accidental penises.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
