I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
soo... how was my night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
