let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
