he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize