Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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