i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
