I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
do herpes really smell.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
