You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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