He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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