I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
