Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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