I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
