Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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