I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
