I think I died a long time ago.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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