So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
