so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
