Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
