so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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