Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
