very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
