There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
