When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
