CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
