I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
