I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
