i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
