You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
