so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so let's talk penis.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
