found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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